A daughter's experience this week at her mother's nursing home. For obvious reasons, the real names have been withheld and forgotten.

The other day I visited my mother at her nursing home. I had been away for five weeks and so my visit was particularly important to her.

She looked rather overjoyed to see me, then grabbed my hand and said "Do you know what they have done now?"

"No, I said, what's been happening."

"Well they have stopped me from having any biscuits, deserts, or morning and afternoon tea. I am only allowed to have fruit!"

"Its awful Karen, its just awful. I don't want fruit all the time."

She then looked at me with open eyes, "Can you please buy me some biscuits, they don't need to know about it (referring to the staff), I'll put them in the drawer, so they don't see them."

Rather dumbfounded by this point, and clearly not willing to see my mother as some kind of prisoner or myself as bringing in contraband, I told my mother that I didn't think sneaking biscuits into the nursing home was a very good idea.

My mother then began to plead with me, "Please, Karen, can't you just bring in some biscuits. I don't want to have to keep stealing them from the dining room cupboard, I'll get caught! A nurse nearly caught me the other day."

Again, thinking how peculiar the whole situation was I asked her when the change in her diet had been implemented. She told me it had been a week ago, and that she felt terrible and upset.

My mother said further, "They have even stopped giving me biscuits when they wake me in the morning."

"... They give me my shower early, 5.30 am sometimes, and they used to give me a couple of biscuits and a cup of tea because breakfast isn't served until 8.30am ..."

"... I have been feeling sick because I have to wait so long for something to eat, what am I going to do Karen, what am I going to do? ..."

"No one else is being treated this way, I used to look forward to morning and afternoon tea, now I'm not allowed to have even one piece of cake or anything. I have to watch other people getting their desert, while I get a piece of fruit!"

"They will only let me have one piece of toast now with breakfast, I used to get two pieces of toast!"

"Okay mum I said, I will go and find the nurse supervisor and see what is going on, I will try to get an idea of why this is happening."

I found a supervisor, who was quite open. She told me that my mother had been placed on a change of diet because her weight was slightly higher than before. The dietitian had apparently reviewed my mother's diet and decided she should have less bread, no biscuits or sweets of any kind between meals. The recommendation had been implemented by staff about a week ago. It was as simple as that.

I asked the supervisor if she had spoken to my mother about how she felt regarding these changes, and it became quickly apparent she hadn't.

I felt upset when I heard this, and told the supervisor that my mother's distress was also upsetting for me. I explained that I understood the dietitian was looking out for my mother's physical health, but that she had failed to understand the impact of placing her on a restrictive diet at a psychological level.

I said I knew my mother was in the obese range, but this was something that had come about over a 35 year period, and my mother's psychological history had included addictive eating. I asked the supervisor if she understood what happens for people who have eating disorders when someone suddenly restricts or changes their diet.

I then said to the supervisor, "My mother is in pain, that's what happen's when you suddenly withdraw sweets from her diet."

Anyway, I went on to make some suggestions, like introducing calorie light deserts, and/or sweets back into her diet to ease her suffering.

I am planning to visit my mother again today, it is now a few days since I visited. I am hoping that the nursing home staff have been able to implement a lower calorie diet without my mother being left bereft.

I don't understand why the emotional and psychological needs of people are so easily overlooked in nursing homes. I realise that the diet change was an attempt by nursing home staff to provide good care for my mother, but in the ordinary world, outside nursing homes, health professionals cannot force people to change their diets.

I guess we would need diet police to enforce healthy eating, if this was the case. People get given information and make their own choices on such matters.

That is why I have headed my article "When does care stop and oppression begin?," it seems to me that it is a very fine line in Australian nursing homes, and if someone told me I was no longer allowed to eat a single biscuit, I would think I was in a jail or at the very least being punished!